How All-or-Nothing Thinking Holds You Back (And What to Do About It)
I see it all the time with my clients - and I even catch myself doing it too.
It’s this sneaky belief that if we can’t do something perfectly or all the way, then we shouldn’t even start.
Sound familiar?
If you’ve ever felt like this, the first thing I want to say is:
There’s nothing wrong with you.
Let’s look at how this “all-or-nothing” mindset might be holding you back from getting started - and what to do instead.
What All-or-Nothing Thinking Might Look Like
I had a client recently who wanted to start reading again. But because she couldn’t commit a full 30 minutes a day, she decided there wasn’t any point in starting at all.
By the time we met again, she was frustrated with herself for not reading a single page.
After our session, she set a different intention: just open the book.
By the next week, she had read 60 pages.
That’s the power of shifting from all-or-nothing to just start where you are.
How to Know if You’re Stuck in All-or-Nothing Thinking
Grab a piece of paper and write down a few goals or tasks that have been sitting on your list. Things that might feel heavy, undone, or just there.
Some examples:
Start exercising consistently
Read before bed again
Hit 10,000 steps daily
Finally make that family photo book
Now ask yourself:
What’s really getting in the way of doing the thing?
If your answer is something like:
“I don’t have enough time”
“It’ll take forever”
“I have to wait until things slow down”
...it might be all-or-nothing thinking talking.
What to Do Instead
Pick one smaller step you can take this week - or even today.
Maybe:
Instead of a full 30-minute workout, take a 10-minute walk
Instead of organizing the entire photo album, choose one month of photos
Instead of reading a full chapter, just open the book
Small, doable steps build momentum. They let you feel successful now instead of stuck in the someday.
Because the truth is: even if it's not what you thought it would look like, it still counts.
Moving Forward with Self-Compassion
When you notice yourself spiraling into self-criticism for what you aren’t doing, pause.
Ask yourself:
What’s one smaller step I can take? Building sustainable habits starts with small steps forward and you’re worth it to try.
You’ve got this.
If you liked this post, check this one out how to start new habits or maybe this one about how to build your self-compassion.
Hey, I’m Caitlin! I’m a certified health coach and life coach and I’m here to bring sustainable change into your day so that you have the time and energy you need for the things that matter most.
Want more support? Check out my other posts, learn more about coaching here or book a call with me here. You can always sign up for my newsletter, below, to receive these posts straight to your inbox, too!
